Let’s not wait till the water runs dry
We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives,
Don’t do it baby..

:: Water Runs Dry // Boyz II Men ::

moved out from cilandak. Now, we’re currently staying at oom uce’s house at saharjo. Right now, in the moment when I’m writing this posting on word, they’re quarreling over jour family company. Yups, there they sit, the whole siblings, except oom harry. Talking about taxes, BOD, owner, blah blah blah…

just to be honest, I’ve been smoking pot lately. Blueberry to be exact. Nay’s friend Rano just got back fron Holland, and well …that’s the best thing money can buy for a pot fron Holland. It’s been 2 days. I don’t feel any sensation of happiness or anything. All I can feel is the emptiness, those stagnation, and the thought that what I was doing then, is the only thing that’s changing in my life. I feel stupid, but then again not. Even if I had tried things that I thought I never done before, that can make me feel more alive and flowing.. well it’s actually not. It’s an old thing that I’ve been repeating even though I didn’t realized it. Destroying myself emotionally is one new thing. It’s not good, but at least I’ve done it once.

Heaven knows
No frontiers
And I see heaven in your eyes

:: No Frontiers // The Corrs ::

I told Jedi about this, but havent got the time to told him the reasons why. He’s kinda worried with what I’m doing. I can understand his feelings. But it’s something that I must try before I cant try it anymore. I feel he’s there, but he’s not there. I’m not playing with words here, but that’s the exact thing that happens. Guess I’m in the course of finding the right path in life. I know which way I should choose, but why each time I move my feet there’s so many things that I don’t understand?

Missing Jedi so much. I miss his being there with me when I cant figure anything out about myself. I need him by my side when I’m searching for a way to understand my needs, what I want, and all that. Those searching for identity process…